Preparing your child for a move

Sooner or later, many families face the prospect of moving. Disruptive as moving can be for parents, the experience can be even more traumatic for kids, who may not be a part of the decision to move and may not understand it.

Kids may need some time and special attention during the transition. You can take steps to make the entire process less stressful for everyone.

Making the Decision to Move

Many kids thrive on familiarity and routine. So as you consider a move, weigh the benefits of that change against the comfort that established surroundings, school, and social life give your child.

If your family has recently dealt with a major life change, such as divorce or death, you may want to postpone a move, if possible, to give your child time to adjust.

The decision to move may be out of your hands, perhaps due to a job transfer or financial issues. Even if you're not happy about the move, try to maintain a positive attitude about it. During times of transition, a parent's moods and attitudes can greatly affect kids, who may be looking for reassurance.

Discussing the Move With Your Child

No matter what the circumstances, the most important way you can prepare your child is to talk about it early and often.

Try to give your child as much information about the move as soon as possible. Answer questions completely and truthfully, and be receptive to both positive and negative reactions. Even if the move means an improvement in family life, kids don't always understand that and may be focused on the frightening aspects of the change.

Involving kids in the planning as much as possible makes them feel like participants in the house-hunting process or the search for a new school. This can make the change feel less like it's being forced on them.

If you're moving across town, try to take your child to visit the new house (or see it being built) and explore the new neighborhood.

For distant moves, provide as much information as you can about the new home, city, and state (or country). Learn where your child will be able to participate in favorite activities. See if a relative, friend, or even a real estate agent can take pictures of the new house and new school for your child.

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6-1-2007 This Weeks Family Law Cases

Failure To Provide Shown
Overwhelming evidence supporting Circuit Court's finding that Mother was negligent included frequent moves and association with men known to abuse children, failure to make and keep appointments for Child's therapy, and failure to contribute. Mother waived findings of fact by filing no motion to amend.
In re the Interest of: K.M.C., III. Missouri Court of Appeals Southern District

Too Much Grandparent Visitation
Courts will determine on a case-by-case basis whether Grandparent visitation intrudes too much on parenting. Circuit Court's order of Grandparent visitation on regular weekends and holidays was more than the occasional and temporary amount allowed by statute because it "would leave fewer options for the family to socialize as a unit. Thus, we remand the case to the trial court to order visitation that is less frequent and more flexible than the current one."
Don Shemwell and Mary Shemwell, Respondents, v. Karen Arni, Appellant. Missouri Court of Appeals Western District.

Source for Post:  The Missouri Bar

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts™ offer their best tips to help you avoid some of the most common mistakes made by divorcing people.Edited by Diana Shepherd, CDFA

Understand your financial and emotional limits.

When you understand yourself, you are better equipped to be objective. This saves time, which leads to cost savings. If you are not prepared to look at reality – without the emotional entanglements – the outcome will never be what you need, let alone what you want. Instead of asking "why" questions, which lead to people becoming defensive, try asking questions that start with "how." For instance, asking, "How did you come to that conclusion?" leads to a discussion about process. It allows both people to step back from the brink and look at things as they are.

Armand D'Alo (CFP® and CDFA™) of Oak Tree Advisory Services has worked as a financial analyst in private practice for more than 25 years. Located in Carlsbad, CA, he holds a degree in finance and family counseling from Brigham Young University. He can be reached at info@oaktreeadvisory.com.


Settle out of court.

When given the choice to settle at mediation or settle at trial, always try to choose the former for two reasons. First, going to trial is very expensive: typically, the only ones who win are the lawyers and experts, which leaves a smaller "pie" for the divorcing husband and wife to divide. Second, going to trial is risky because all of the decisions are left to the judge who has known the parties for a few hours at most; in mediation, the divorcing parties still have 100% control over how things will be settled (assuming they can come to an agreement).

Joseph P. Mirandi (CPA, CVA, CDFA™, MST) devotes a large portion of his practice in Lakeland, FL to assisting lawyers and their clients in divorce-related matters. He also has an extensive tax practice, and is certified in preparing business valuations. He can be reached at (863) 607-4222 or via www.huttomirandi.com.

Know what you have and what you need.

It is very important to know what assets you own, the value of those assets, and how they are held. This should cover everything from retirement to investment to bank accounts, as well as future pensions and social security. Make copies of your and your spouse's tax returns. These returns can help explain to a financial advisor a lot more than your income and taxes paid: they can help find assets, capital gains and losses, depreciation, and business expenses. The tax returns are also helpful in uncovering assets that a spouse might have hidden.

Before splitting your assets, you should think about what you need: you must create a budget, identify which assets will help ensure your financial security, and negotiate for this.

Jim Newman (AWMA, CSA, CDFA™) is the Senior Vice President – Wealth Management at Janney Montgomery Scott in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. He can be reached at (866) 226-9935.

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Courts Bulletin: Family law


Editor:
  John W. Dennis, Jr. , Esquire
Remand is necessary for the trial court to enter the statutorily appropriate nomenclature in describing the type of custody being awarded to the parents in this matter. Shane M. Granger, Respondent v. Tina M. Granger, Appellant, No. 27852 (Mo. App. S.D., April 2, 2007) Barney, J.
  
The judgment of dissolution of marriage was reversed for two reasons. The remand for the entry of specific findings of fact as to domestic violence is not summarized here. The trial court awarded custody to the “parties jointly” and named father “residential custodian” and mother “non-primary custodian.” Mother appealed.
  Held: Reversed.
  “…[F]ailure to use proper nomenclature in describing the type of custody being awarded to a parent is confusing to litigants and impedes proper appellate review.” In re: Marriage of Copeland, 148 S.W.3d 327n.1 (Mo. App. 2004). As Wife maintains, there are no statutory designations for 'separate custody' or 'non-primary custodian' as set out by the trial court in the Judgment. Additionally, setting out a custody award to the 'parties jointly' is at best ambiguous and confusing and is also not a disposition recognized by either section 452.375.1 or 452.375.5.”

Source for Post:  The Missouri Bar

 

Advisors Say Plan For The Worst: Divorce

Recently from the San Francisco Family Law Blog

With more than 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, dealing with custody, splitting up property and paying alimony are realities that some families must deal with.

Of course, they are also serious issues of contention that can often cause financial hardship to one or both parties involved.

"The harsh truth is all relationships end, be it divorce or death," said Cheryl Bernstein, a financial planner for Financial Essentials. "At some time or another, and you need to know where your money is."

There are many financial issues, ranging from tax implications to determining assets, that come into play during a divorce.

However, it's only a part of the story.

"In middle-size divorces, it's part of a case, but not all of the case," said Steven Chroman, a Valencia divorce attorney.

Money issues ranging from property distribution to spousal and child support all factor in and become issues, especially when a marriage has seen an increase in money for one or both parties.

Chroman said that in California, people are lucky, as in most divorce cases there are disclosure requirements, and people can hire accountants to be able to trace all property and assets and be able to determine tax implications.

Bernstein said it's important for both men and women to be financially educated and know where all their money and obligations are.

"Don't count on the other spouse," she said, because there could be case of needing to know where everything is.

Chroman said money can be manipulated, which is why it is important to have the right people available to handle what a person might forget during the course of a divorce.

In addition, in spousal support and monetary settlements, the parties have to be aware of all things that come up during the course of a marriage, and have "due diligence" in figuring out what is owned and managed.

Chroman said that although it is an unromantic ideal, a pre- or post-nuptial agreement might help in protecting assets, such as an estate or trust that a person comes into a marriage with, and being able to keep that money after a divorce.

It's not just for the wealthy, either. He said that it is also a common practice in middle-class marriages.

"A lot of things can happen," he said. "People get divorced for crazy reasons, and it's a security device for both."


By Reina V. Slutske
Signal Business Writer

Source:  San Francisco Family Law Blog

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5-18-07 This weeks Missouri Family Law Cases

Wife Concedes Ambiguous Term In Agreement; Prevails On Appeal
Separation agreement provided non-modifiable maintenance to Wife, and Circuit Court found no basis for modification, so it had no power to modify maintenance. Husband's points, all related to manner of modification, are therefore moot. Ambiguity remains in terms of agreement, but Wife's concession of the point allows Court of Appeals to issue judgment Circuit Court should have.
Tracy Lynn Boden, Respondent/Cross-Appellant v. Thomas Robert Boden, Appellant/Cross-Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Eastern District

Frequently Asked Questions About Paternity

Recently from the Georgia Family Law Blog

WHAT IS PATERNITY?

Paternity means fatherhood, the quality or state of being a father.


WHAT IS A PATERNITY TEST?

A Paternity Test is a DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) or genetic test that determines whether a given man could be the biological father of a child.


ON WHAT GROUNDS CAN I RECEIVE A PATERNITY TEST?

Paternity test are not just used to determine whether an individual is the biological father of a child. A Paternity test is useful in many situations, including:

  • Assisting women seeking child support from a man who denies he is a child s biological father.
  • Helping men attempting to win custody or visitation rights.
  • Providing peace of mind for men wishing to confirm paternity.
  • Establishing proof of heritage for an adopted child seeking their biological parents.
  • Determining grand parentage, inheritance rights, insurance claims or Social Security benefits.
  • Assisting in immigration cases on the grounds an individual is a biological relative of a citizen.
  • Establishing Native American Tribal Rights.
  • Determining rightful heirs by DNA profiling for estate purpose.
  • Providing conclusive evidence of sisterhood or brotherhood for siblings separated for long periods of time.

WHAT IS THE PATERNITY TEST PROCEDURE?

There are several ways in which a paternity test can be performed. Test samples can come from blood cells, cheek cells, tissues samples, and semen. Paternity experts prefer using Blood test and the Buccal (cheek) swab test to determine Paternity. When an individual takes a blood test, a blood specimen (one tablespoon or less) is drawn from the forearm. Unlike a blood test, the buccal scrap is done by brushing a swab vigorously against the inside of the subject s cheek. Since the DNA is the same in every cell of the body, the accuracy of testing performed on cheek cells with the swab is the same as using blood.


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U.S. Divorce Rate Lowest Since 1970

NEW YORK (AP) -- By the numbers, divorce just isn't what it used to be.

Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970.

Yet Americans aren't necessarily making better choices about their long-term relationships. Even those who study marriage and work to make it more successful can't decide whether the trend is grounds for celebration or cynicism.

Some experts say relationships are as unstable as ever -- and divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying. Other researchers have documented what they call ''the divorce divide,'' contending that divorce rates are indeed falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.

''Families with two earners with good jobs have seen an improvement in their standard of living, which leads to less tension at home and lower probability of divorce,'' said Andrew Cherlin, a professor of public policy at Johns Hopkins University.

America's divorce rate began climbing in the late 1960s and skyrocketed during the '70s and early '80s, as virtually every state adopted no-fault divorce laws. The rate peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981.

But since then it's dropped by one-third, to 3.6. That's the lowest rate since 1970.

What's fueling that decline? According to 20 scholars, marriage-promotion experts and divorce lawyers consulted by The Associated Press, a combination of things.

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Divorce & Social Security Benefits

 Divorce & Social Security Benefits

Socialsecurity

Thanks to the Oklahoma Family Law Blog  for the following recent post regarding divorce and social security benefits:

If you are divorced after at least 10 years of marriage, you can collect retirement benefits on your former spouse's Social Security record if you are at least age 62 and if your former spouse is entitled to or receiving benefits. If you remarry, you generally cannot collect benefits on your former spouse's record unless your later marriage ends (whether by death, divorce, or annulment).

If your divorced spouse dies, you can receive benefits as a widow/widower if the marriage lasted 10 years or more. Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse who is 60 or older will not affect the benefit rates for other survivors receiving benefits.

In general, you cannot receive survivors benefits if you remarry before the age of 60 unless the latter marriage ends, whether by death, divorce, or annulment.      

If you remarry after age 60 (50 if disabled), you can still collect benefits on your former spouse’s record. When you reach age 62 or older, you may get retirement benefit on the record of your new spouse if they are higher. Your remarriage would have no effect on the benefits being paid to your children.

source: socialsecurityonline

from theOklahoma Family Law Blog

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When Bankruptcy Meets Divorce

Just over two years ago, President George W. Bush signed the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act (BAPCPA) of 2005, which became effective Oct. 17, 2005. If you are getting divorced, this new bankruptcy law could concern you. Reason: While you may not realize it, in this country, our high divorce rate and bankruptcy commonly intersect.

Here’s how. Until the enactment of the BAPCPA, the bankruptcy process was seen by some, and used by many, as a tool to permanently evade (or, to use bankruptcy terminology, ‘discharge’) family obligations foisted upon them by agreement or court order after a marital dissolution. Plus, once a person filed a bankruptcy petition--for liquidation under Chapter 7 or reorganization under Chapter 13 (or, less commonly, Chapter 11)--he gained the protection of an ‘automatic stay,’ preventing creditors from taking any actions against him, his income or his property to collect their debts.

Perhaps even more important than the means test and mandatory financial management education is the fact that BAPCPA has made it much more difficult for debtors to shirk domestic relations responsibilities. Unlike the old law (BRA) which, as amended in 1984, allowed debtors to discharge nonsecured property settlement obligations to former spouses (think payouts for businesses, professional practices, or other assets distributed in a divorce), the new law forbids this. Now, any domestic support obligation ‘DSO’ becomes a ‘first priority claim,’ ineligible for discharge.'

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Parenting showdown: Moms vs. Dads Couples' fights on raising kids can significantly impact all family members

Child-rearing is often a sensitive and complicated issue for couples, and many argue about just how to properly raise their young. But for children, major parental disagreement is a source of mixed messages and confusion that may undermine the attitudes, values and behaviors parents hope to teach. Stacy DeBroff, president of the popular parenting website Momcentral.com, offers smart solutions on how to keep chaos at bay.

Parenting disagreements? Threatening the well being of our marriages and our kids? Yep, welcome to the brave new world of today's parenting: with shifting social roles for Mom and Dad, pressure to raise fabulous kids while supposedly being their best friends, and strong parenting preferences by both Mom and Dad.

When most of us were growing up, Mom and Dad held more traditional roles, with Mom typically a housewife and Dad the breadwinner and stern disciplinarian. "Just wait until your Father gets home!" my brother and I got warned on a daily basis. Not so today, as Moms announce in the kitchen, "I do not care what your Dad said! There is no macaroni and cheese for breakfast in this house or TV after dinner. Period." For men and women alike with children, parenting has emerged as a primary focus. And along with the laser-like focus on children has emerged a virtual cauldron of boiling and brewing parental disagreements.

Trend spotting helps here to see the shifting in parenting styles. Long gone are those June Cleaver days when women considered themselves first and foremost as "housewives." Moms are focusing on being "stay-at-home Moms," we have entered the workplace in record numbers, and Dads have become the most involved parents in history. Plus, ask most Moms and Dad and they will announce how they want to be "best friends" with their children. So much for children being seen and not heard!

When Mom and Dad disagree over even minor parenting issues: the repercussions echo throughout the whole next day and the whole family. For instance if Dad lets the kids stay up way past bedtime, you have Mom at home with an entire day of dealing with a grumpy, tired, unhappy kid or one who resents your more stringent rules. Or it's the working Moms who get reports from a babysitter, the preschool, the teachers, and the after-school about a tired child who is acting out. As parents, Moms rely on having a united front.

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Courts Bulletin : April Family Law Cases

Burden of proof of stalking for order of protection. Thomas Schwalm, Respondent v. Lori Schwalm, Appellant, No. 87829 (Mo. App. E.D., March 20, 2007), Richter, P.J.
  
This case is instructional to the extent it discusses the failure of proof that required the reversal of the judgment for an order of protection.
  Husband sought an order of protection where the evidence showed that wife knocked on husband's door multiple times, once blocked husband's vehicle in a parking lot, followed him to work on occasion and once approached him at a gas station. That sounds like stalking, except for one crucial element. “While the statutory definition of stalking requires alarm (in the victim), a plaintiff is required to do more than simply assert a bare answer of 'yes' when asked if he was alarmed. A plaintiff must show that a defendant's conduct caused him fear of danger of physical harm as stated in the statutory definition of alarm. See Section 455.010(10)(c).”
  Note: A similar case was just reported for the same proposition: Clark v. Wuebbeling, No. 88413 (Mo. App. E.D., March 20, 2007), opinion also by Judge Richter.

Identical twins yield identical paternity tests. State of Missouri, ex rel., Department of Social Services, Division of Child Support Enforcement, and Holly Marie Adams, Petitioners/Respondents v. Raymon Miller, Respondent/Appellant and Richard Miller, Respondent, No. 27188 (Mo. App. S.D., March 14, 2007), Garrison, J.
  
This was a paternity action in which twin brothers were having sexual relations with the eventual mother of a child for whom child support was sought. The brother named as the father appealed on the basis that the burden of proof of his paternity was not met because of the results of DNA testing of both brothers. The results were identical.
  Held: Affirmed. When competing tests for paternity show two potential fathers, the court must look to the nongenetic evidence to determine if there is a preponderance of evidence of the identity of the father. Here, the mother's testimony established that appellant was the only one of the two who could be the father.

Disqualification of guardian ad litem in modification action. State of Missouri, ex rel. Larry Dreppard, Relator, v. Hon. Phillip Jones, Com., and Hon. John Essner, Respondents, No. 89214 (Mo. App. E.D., March 6, 2007), Norton, P.J.
  
A motion to modify was filed and the trial court re-appointed the guardian ad litem (“GAL”) from the dissolution of marriage action. Within 10 days of that appointment, father asked for the disqualification of the GAL. The request was denied. Father now seeks a writ of mandamus compelling the trial court to grant the motion to disqualify.
  Held: Writ made absolute. Section 452.423.1, RSMo provides that each party has a right to one disqualification of an appointed GAL if requested in a timely manner (within 10 days of the appointment). The trial court viewed the motion to modify as a continuation of the original dissolution action. However, the opinion notes “… that by 're-appointing' the GAL following the motion to modify, the court recognized that the modification proceeding was independent from the original dissolution proceeding. Otherwise, no appointment would have been necessary.” Since the motion to modify is deemed by the rules to be an independent proceeding, the parties had a right to disqualify the GAL.

Pension benefits and disability payments. Sandra Ray Coffman, Respondent v. Elvin Cale Coffman, Appellant, No. 66204 (Mo. App. W.D., February 27, 2007), Ellis, J.
  
In this dissolution of marriage action, the parties were married in 1982. At that time, husband had worked for General Motors for approximately 4 ½ years. He continued that employment until December 2002 for a total of 24 years. Earlier that year he had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and his father was named as his guardian and conservator by the probate court. He was 45 years old as of his last day at General Motors. He had received disability payment from General Motors and eventually qualified for Social Security disability benefits, too. He qualified and was ultimately receiving disability benefits from General Motors. The trial court determined that all but the pre-marital years of credited service were marital property having been accumulated during the marriage. It was divided equally between the parties. Husband appealed.
  Held: Reversed. The court of appeals determined from the evidence that the only reason the husband had begun receiving benefit payments was because of his disability. Otherwise, he would not be eligible for pension benefits until reaching retirement age under the plan. Further, the terms of the General Motor benefits provided that husband would receive the disability payments based on his years of service until either he reached age 65 (retirement age) or became capable of gainful employment. After age 65 the benefits would revert to being pension benefits in character. Thus, the benefits he was and would later be eligible for were partially marital and non-marital in character. The opinion notes that disability benefits are not marital property “… if they serve as a substitute for earnings lost due to the recipient's inability to work. In re: Marriage of Thomas, 21 S.W.3d 168,173 (Mo. App. S.D. 2000).”
  The case was remanded for a determination of which portion of the marital portion of the benefits will be awarded between the parties and to award husband the non-marital portion thereof.

Order of protection between brothers-in-law. Terry Pratt, Respondent, v. Chuck Lasley, Appellant, No. 65992 (Mo. App. W.D., January 16, 2007), Ellis, J.
  
The two parties are brothers-in-law because they are each married to women who are sisters. Respondent was found to have assaulted the Petitioner and an order of protection was entered. The Respondent appealed asserting that the definition of family member in the statute (§455.020.1) did not apply since there is no blood relation between them.
  Held: Affirmed. “Had the legislature intended to limit the statute's applicability to those 'of kin' or related by cosanguinity or direct affinity as proposed by (respondent), the legislature would have used those terms in the statute.
  “The plain and ordinary meaning of the phrase 'related by marriage' includes one's brother-in-law.”

Source for Post:  The Missouri Bar

8 Reasons to Have an Estate Plan

One very important, and often overlooked, factor to consider as part of your dissolution of marriage is a re-evaluation, (or first evaluation as is often the case) of your estate plan.   If there is no plan in place, the laws that will determine how your estate will be divided upon your death change significantly when you are divorced.  If there is a plan in place, you will most certainly want to make changes for your future to match the changes in your life today.  Below are some very basic points on estate planning from about.com:

If you have assets, no matter what your age, marital status, or financial wealth, you should plan your estate in the event of your death or incapacitation. If you should die without a sound estate plan, someone will be exposed to additional grief and expense. If you become incapacitated, your bills might not get paid. You could also be put on life support which is OK unless you have strong feelings about your life being prolonged artificially if you have no chance for recovery. A little preparation and maintenance could make this difficult time less taxing for those you love and who love you.

There are many reasons to have a sound estate plan but here are eight I feel are most important. If you should die or become incapacitated, a sound estate plan could:

1. save your family thousands of dollars
2. distribute your assets to those of your choosing, not of the government's choosing
3. designate who will raise your minor children
4. make sure someone is authorized to pay your bills
5. avoid conflicts among your family members
6. make sure your assets aren’t divided among your children’s ex-spouses
7. keep your children from frivolously spending the inheritance
8. prevent death taxes.

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Discuss These Issues Before Walking Down the Aisle

I came across the following article on  about.com, and I thought that it contained some excellent points and considerations for those who are not only thinking of getting married or have been recently married, but evn for those of us who have been married for several years.  Of course, as a divorce attorney I see a lot of the intimate details of people's family life, and the lack of compatibility and/or planning of some married couples never ceases to amaze me.  No matter how you look at it, marriage is a serious, life changing decision, and it should not be taken lightly.  There is a reason that over half of all marriages end in diovrce, and many shouldn't have to.  I encourage everyone to think about these things, and thanks to authors Sheri and Bob Stritof for their insight.

Discuss These Issues Before Walking Down the Aisle

Many marriage education experts caution that when couples believe in the myths of "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding.

The success or failure of your marriage relationship may hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, sexuality, communication, conflict, parenting, in-laws, leisure time, family of origin, spirituality, expectations, and chores.

Even though you may be very busy with wedding preparations, it is critical that you make time to prepare for your life time together by exploring your relationship in more depth.

Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, is one of the keys to a successful marriage.

General Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

·                                 Why are we getting married? Pregnancy, financial security, loneliness or wanting to get out of the family home are not valid reasons to get married.

·                                 What do we as a couple want out of life?

·                                 Do you have a criminal record?

Family of Origin Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

·                                 What was your childhood like?

·                                 Was your family an affectionate one?

·                                 Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?

·                                 What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?

·                                 What do you like and dislike about your family?

Self Image Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

·                                 How would you describe yourself?

·                                 How do you think I see you?

·                                 Am I a jealous person?

·                                 Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?

·                                 How important is affirmation to me?

·                                 Do I handle compliments well?

 

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Divorce Planning

Divorce: Preplanning Strategies

Nobody marries with the expectation of failure. Married couples never contemplate that the person they once loved could later seem to be a stranger and perhaps even an enemy. Yet, statistics paint an ugly picture. Approximately 4 out of 10 marriages today end in divorce. In divorce proceedings, women lose financially, their standard of living may drop as much as thirty percent in the first year following a divorce. Men, may not suffer as great financially, however, they tend to lose precious time with their children.

One of the greatest contributors to divorce is the issue of "control" - either financial or personal. Who controls the bank account? Who sets the social agenda? When one partner to a marriage "controls", the other partner loses their sense of self. A divorce becomes imminent as the controlled partner tries to regain their self-esteem.

There are several simple and logical ways to protect yourself financially if you believe your marriage is in jeopardy:

1. Keep Non-Marital Assets Separate

Non-marital assets are not part of the assets divided in a divorce. Instead, they are considered the asset of either the husband or the wife and generally awarded to that person in a divorce proceeding. Categories of non-marital assets include:

  • property you inherit;
  • proceeds from personal injury awards (ie. Worker's compensation or accident proceeds);
  • items owned prior to marriage; and
  • gifts to one party rather than the family.

If non-marital assets are commingled with assets purchased or improved during the marriage, it may not be possible to claim the asset as yours in the event of divorce. However, some "tracing" of non-marital assets may be possible. For example, if a non-marital asset is sold during the marriage and the proceeds from the sale are used to purchase another asset, it may be possible to "trace" a non-marital interest in the new asset. For example, if a car owned before a marriage is sold during the marriage and the proceeds used to purchase a new vehicle, a party may be able to claim a non-marital interest in the new vehicle. To do so, it is very important to retain all documents demonstrating the sale of the asset and the use of the proceeds realized from the sale.

2. Establish Your Own Credit

Make sure your name is listed on all household accounts and investments. Establish at least one credit card in your own name. This will help to create an individual credit history. When you are on your own, you will have a better chance qualifying for loans, mortgages and credit cards. These are all important considerations after a divorce.

3. Review Your Financial Holdings Regularly

Maintain complete and separate records of your financial holdings such as bank accounts, IRA's, 401K, land purchases, and stocks. This includes assets in your spouse's name as well. You may wish to maintain copies of these records at your place of employment or in a safety deposit box in your name. Records have a way of disappearing after a divorce has been started.

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CPA's as Forensic Accountants in Divorce

The following article has recently appeared on at least a few of the family law blogs, which I found to be particularly interesting.  Thanks to the Oklahoma Family Law Blog and the Georgia Family Law Blog for sharing this information with us.

 

Marriage has become a delicate venture. According to the U.S. Census bureau, about nine out of ten people will marry sometime in their lives, but about half of first marriages will end in divorce. And while some marriages end peacefully, with both sides agreeing to an equal and fair settlement, some do not, and the ensuing process can get quite vicious.

When ex-spouses significantly distrust each other, it is advisable to engage the services of a lawyer, especially if one or both do not understand their household finances and the economic implications of marital settlements. In turn, attorneys often hire CPAs as forensic accountants to help represent the spouse who doesn’t have access to the family’s financial information. In these cases, the forensic analysis might include reviewing financial data to determine its accuracy and reasonableness; determining each spouse’s standard of living and disposable income; locating hidden assets; and determining what property may be considered separate from marital property, especially if one of the spouses runs a closely held business. This type of work has created a highly focused segment for the profession: forensic accounting in divorce engagements.

Marriage: The Leading Cause of Divorce? Out of the more than 2 million marriages performed last year, 60% were the first marriage for both bride and groom. Unfortunately, for those first marriages that do end in divorce, the average length of a first marriage is only about eight years. The median duration of second marriages that end in divorce is only about seven years.       

Most newlyweds probably don’t think of their wedding day as the beginning of a personal business partnership: making money, budgeting, accumulating assets, and investing for the future. Nevertheless, couples should still plan how to divide this property at the blissful beginning, not the bitter end. This planning could take the form of a premarital agreement, which may not be a perfect document, but is generally enforceable in all 50 states. This is why both spouses must understand their household’s finances. It is not a good idea to allow one spouse to run all the finances while the other spouse knows nothing about it. After all, the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with would never try to hide something from you … or would they?

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Judge ordered DNA test on Anna Nicole Smith's daughter

And in the fabulous world of family law entertainment news...

NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) — A Bahamian judge ordered a DNA test Tuesday on Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter to identify the girl's father, an attorney for the baby's grandmother said, the latest chapter in a bitter custody feud sparked by the pinup's death last month.

Larry Birkhead, an ex-boyfriend of the former Playboy playmate who asked the judge to order the test on 6-month-old Dannielynn, pumped his fists in the air and jumped up and down as he emerged from the private court hearing.

"It's been a good day in court for me," he told reporters. Asked if he thought he would see the girl soon, he only smiled and winked.

Deborah Rose, an attorney for Smith's mother Virgie Arthur, confirmed that the judge ordered the test but she and others who attended the hearing declined to describe the proceedings.

Authorities left the building after the hearing and could not immediately be reached for comment.

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3-16-2007 This week in Missouri Family Law

Modifying Child Support Order Requires Calculation Of Presumed Amount
On motion to modify child support, Circuit Court must determine presumed amount, and determine whether to accept or reject it, even when no party requested findings of fact.
Laura M. Klingseisen, n/k/a Laura Al-Amery, Petitioner/Appellant, v. Robert E. Klingseisen, Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Eastern District

No Continuing Change Needed To Modify Custody
Statutes do not require a continuing change for modification of custody, only for modification of child support. Despite Circuit Court's use of incorrect basis to deny motion to modify, Court of Appeals affirms because Circuit Court found that Child's best interests also favored denial. Awarding attorney fees based only on the parties' incomes, without regard to their expenses, is an abuse of discretion.
Misti L. Kinner, Formerly Isenbletter, Petitioner-Appellant/Cross-Respondent, v. Michael L. Scott, Respondent-RespondentCross-Appellant. Missouri Court of Appeals Southern District

Order To Pay For Private School Not Supported In Record
To order a Parent to pay tuition for a private or parochial school, record must have evidence of Child's educational needs or parents' agreement. Court of Appeals affirms award of attorney fees to party who prevailed on issues in motion to modify, but such an award does not constitute maintenance.
Kenneth D. Goins, Appellant, v. Lori D. Goins, Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Eastern District

Paternity Determination Between Twins Affirmed
Blood tests showed that paternity by either twin was equally likely. Circuit Court was entitled to rely on other evidence, including testimony of Mother, to determine paternity. Affirmed.
State of Missouri, ex rel., Department of Social Services, Division of Child Support Enforcement, and Holly Marie Adams, Petitioners/Respondents v. Raymon Miller, Respondent/Appellant and Richard Miller, Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Southern District

Source for Post:  Missouri Bar

Jackson County Parenting Together Living Apart Class Information

The following post is information for clients who have paternity or custody actions pending in Eastern or Western Jackson county Missouri about the PTLA program which is required by the Court.

PTLA (Parenting Together Living Apart) is a parent educational program designed to teach parents who have never been married to each other but have children together the value of co-parenting their child(ren) cooperatively so as to maximize the healthy emotional development of their child(ren). This program is most effective when utilized prior to mediation. There is no cost for attendance.

Program Objectives:

  • Parents will have a better understanding of the importance of co-parenting.
  • Parents will practice positive communication skills.
  • Parents will learn about child development states in parental conflict.
  • Parents will increase positive parenting skills to work with each other cooperatively.

PTLA Curriculum:

  • Parental responsibilities
  • Children’s basic needs
  • Why children need both parents
  • Emotional reactions to the lost relationship
  • Children’s developmental states in parental conflict
  • Paternity establishment
  • Positive co-parenting
  • Effective communication skills
  • Responsive discipline
  • Parenting time suggestions

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Tips for a Smarter Divorce

The Oklahoma Family Law Blog had a great post yesterday offering tips for a smarter divorce.  The post is reproduced as follows:

The best advice about divorce would be to prevent it if possible; nearly half of all marriages end that way--sort of. In reality, from a cumulative point of view, less than 41% of all the marriages end by divorce. The 50% figure stems from the annual divorce rate and is misleading because the people divorcing each year are not, for the most part, the same ones who are marrying. But whether the U.S. divorce rate is below 41% or closer to oft-quoted 50%, the fact is that divorce is common and, sadly, seems here to stay.

Perhaps more interesting is the fact that some researchers have found that nearly 80% of divorces are unilateral, as opposed to something both parties want. If this statistic is correct, then four out of five divorces are unwanted by one of the spouses. If you are the one who wants out, you'll have the power to decide when and how to best to approach the split.

This advantage is critical because once a marital dissolution petition is filed, many jurisdictions impose automatic restraints against shifting assets or changing the status quo ante (the way things were, just before the filing). That can complicate things if you do not plan ahead. One the other hand, statistics tell us that 70% of divorce filings are by women. So men, it's not likely you'll control the timing of the split, though you might control the purse strings.

But no matter who files, planning a divorce, or defending against one, can feel like taking on a second job, with so much to consider. For example, if you are the one who wants out, you must weigh whether you can trust your spouse not to financially annihilate you just to spite your decision to leave. Will he or she do everything possible to destroy what you worked so hard to attain while the marriage was working? Are there steps you can take to minimize the damage of divorce, while protecting your relationship with your kids, your property and your income?

Moreover, for many individuals, a divorce involves more than just dealing with finances and the kids. It affects not just the immediate family but perhaps elderly parents that need to be looked after, not to mention relationships with extended family members, friends and even beloved in-laws. Because of the emotional upheaval, many couples benefit from therapeutic counseling, as well as financial planning, in the act of dismantling a life built for two.

The bottom line is that you need to protect your own interests, while still being reasonable, if possible. And though you might think your spouse will act prudently, don't count on it. Very few people encounter divorce without responding in an emotional way. In the words of Ben Franklin, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

You should be prepared for the chance that your divorce may become adversarial and that, for a while, your spouse will turn into a person you never knew existed. So try to bear in mind that while you may be taking an action that you think is merely rational, it's very possible that he or she will interpret your actions differently or, perhaps worse, offensively, creating more problems.

Naturally, with an iron-clad prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, the divorce process will proceed in a more predictable fashion. But even then, expect your spouse to fight the the agreement's enforceability based on grounds that it might be unconscionable now to enforce it, although it was perfectly fair when it was executed.

On the whole, divorce brings uncertainly that can breed anxiety, hostility or worse. But there are steps you can take to place yourself in a more advantageous position while you determine if your differences are irreconcilable or not.

Source: Forbes.com.

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New Family Law Blog

Attorney Peter Mullison in Denver Colorado has just launched a new blog, mycoloradodivorcelawyer.com, which looks to be a great resource for Colorado family law issues, particularly for those in the Denver area. Check it out here

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Missouri Courts Bulletin: Substantial Change in Circumstances Not Required for Change in Parenting Time in Joint Custody Arrangement

Standard of proof for modification of joint physical custody. Kimberly Russell n/k/a Kimberly Bichsel, Respondent v. Mark Russell, Appellant, No. 87917 (Mo. banc, January 9, 2007), Wolff, C.J.
  
It is axiomatic that the modification of visitation only requires that the proposed change be in the best interest of the child whereas a modification of custody requires a more stringent standard of proof, i.e. that there has been a change in the circumstances of the child or custodial parent such that a modification is needed in order to serve the best interests of the child.
  The parties' original judgment granted them joint legal and physical custody of their three-year-old child. The schedule essentially had the child with mother during the work week and with father every weekend. Since that time, mother has become employed full time, and the child goes to school. Father now worked until late evening on most Fridays as well. The trial court changed the core schedule to begin father's custody on Saturdays at 9:00 a.m. and granted the mother the third weekend of each month. Other modifications not involving custody were entered, but not important to this summary. Father appealed because the trial court used the standard of proof for visitation modification.
  Held: Affirmed as to modification of custody. Section 452.410 RSMo addresses modifications of custody, and §452.400.2 addresses modifications of visitation.
  “The question here is which modification statute applies to a court's previous award of joint physical custody. A threshold matter in many modification cases will be whether the initial custody arrangement is, in fact, joint physical custody, as defined by statute.”
[§ 452.375.1(3)]. This opinion determined that this original judgment was for joint physical custody.
  “This case presents a clear example of one concern created by this legal paradigm shift (from sole custody/visitation to joint custody). Changes such as those the circuit court made here – essentially a few hours a week – are not as drastic as a shift from sole custody of one parent to sole custody of another parent. The requirement that the change be substantial is no longer appropriate where simple shifts in parenting time are at issue. Courts should not require a 'substantial' change from the circumstances of the original judgment where the modification sought is simply a rearrangement in a joint physical custody schedule.”
  Even though the trial court applied the visitation modification statute, its judgment can be affirmed by applying the correct standard.

Source for Post:  Missouri Courts Bulletin for February 2007

This Week in Missouri Family law

Pension Was Marital And Non-Marital Property
Pension is a hybrid of marital and non-marital property; the former to the extent that it represents deferred payment of wages earned during the marriage, and the latter to the extent that it represents compensation for future wages lost due to disability. Remanded to Circuit Court to reconsider property and debt division, and maintenance awards.
Sandra Ray Coffman, Respondent v. Elvin Cale Coffman, Appellant. Missouri Court of Appeals Western District

Separable Finality Did Not Apply
When a party to an action for dissolution of marriage dies, action continues if Circuit Court has already dissolved marriage "even though the order may be partial, interlocutory or not a final judgment resolving all issues in the case." But action abates if Circuit Court has not already made some order purporting to dissolve the marriage. Order nunc pro tunc cannot correct that omission.
Mary Ruth McMilian, Appellant, v. James Henry McMilian, Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Western District

Study: Few Have Rainy Day Savings

Considering the fact that financial issues are a significant cause of stress on the family, I thought the following article, recently published at msnbc.com provided some very useful information.  It is republished below:

Most Americans have no emergency savings, a new survey shows. The findings are consistent with a host of other surveys and government data that chronicle Americans' abysmal savings rate and, more important, our lack of preparedness for life's unexpected events.

Released Monday at a press conference designed to call attention to "America Saves Week," the survey by the Consumer Federation of America and other consumer agencies indicates that only 40 percent of adult Americans maintain separate emergency savings accounts. And about one-third of those savers have set aside less than $2,000 for that inevitable rainy day.

Even $2,000 is considerably less than the 3- to 6-months of living expenses that most personal finance advocates recommend as an emergency kitty. Coincidentally, it is exactly the amount Hurricane Katrina victims received in "expedited assistance" aid from the federal government in the days after the storm. Thousands of victims didn't get the benefits because of computer glitches and other technicalities, and many of them were left with nearly no means of support after their homes and jobs were washed out by the storm. The Katrina aftermath shined a harsh light on the financial preparedness of many American consumers.

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This Week in Missouri Family Law

Conduct During Marriage Influences Judgment
Wife's inability to support herself due to health problems and lack of skills supports award of maintenance. Evidence of Wife's resources, from later hearing on attorney fees, is no basis for reversing Circuit Court's award of maintenance. Husband's use of resources, including extramarital affair, supports division of property and allocation of debt to him, and does not bar an award of attorney fees to Wife.
Pamela J. Russum, Respondent, v. Gerald E. Russum, Jr., Appellant. Missouri Court of Appeals Western District

No Prejudice Need Be Shown On Departure From Statutes
Circuit Court accepted into evidence an amended social report from Children's Division to replace that filed originally with the petition. But Circuit Court never met with Juvenile Officer after filing of petition to assign report. Failure to strictly comply with statutes on termination of parental rights is reversible error, and "a parent facing termination bears [no] burden of establishing prejudice."
K.L.W., S.F.W., and L.S.W., In the Interest of. Missouri Court of Appeals Eastern District

Source for Post:  The Missouri Bar

Hearing over paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter slated Friday

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — The melodramatic legal fallout from Anna Nicole Smith's death shifted Friday from where to bury the former Playboy Playmate to who gets custody of her baby, who could inherit millions.

Attorneys for Larry Birkhead, the photographer who claims to have fathered 5-month-old Dannielynn, planned to ask a Florida family court judge to enforce a California court's order that the infant's DNA be tested to prove paternity.

Smith's boyfriend, Howard K. Stern, and Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, also claim to be the father. Stern is listed as Dannielynn's father on the birth certificate.

On Thursday, a sometimes blubbering judge gave Richard Milstein, the court-appointed lawyer for Dannielynn, the power to resolve a dispute between Stern and Virgie Arthur, Smith's estranged mother, over where to bury Smith.

Milstein said she would be buried in the Bahamas next to her son, but gave no time frame.

In a bizarre, rambling statement from the bench, Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin choked up frequently but made it clear what he felt should be done.

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Entering rehab can bolster Britney Spears' bid for custody of children, lawyers say

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Britney Spears' decision to check into rehab could help her in court as she to tries to retain custody of her two young children with estranged husband Kevin Federline, according to family law attorneys. That is, of course, if she actually completes a rehab program.

When Spears checked into Promises Malibu drug and alcohol rehabilitation center Thursday, it was said to be the third time in a week she has checked into a rehab center.

"It actually may reflect well on her that she's now gone back, if she stays and sees herself through the program," said Jason Adess, a family law attorney in Chicago. "That way she can present to the court that she has an issue, she has acknowledged the issue, she has gotten help and now she is able to resume primary custody of the children."

Spears' manager, Larry Rudolph, confirmed in an e-mail to The Associated Press on Thursday that Spears is in the Malibu center. He provided no further details.

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Kevin Federline to appear at Los Angeles courthouse for emergency hearing

LOS ANGELES (AP) — As Britney Spears was checking out of rehab for the second time in a week on Wednesday, her estranged husband was making plans to go to court amid a custody dispute over their two children.

Kevin Federline and his lawyer were scheduled to appear at a downtown courthouse Thursday for an emergency hearing, Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told The Associated Press. It was not known what issue Federline planned to raise.

Federline and Spears have two sons, 5-month-old Jayden James and 17-month-old Sean Preston.

"Our best information is he will be here; she won't," said Parachini. "But anything is possible."

Federline filed papers seeking spousal support and sole custody of the children after Spears sought to end their two-year marriage last November. A temporary court order issued Feb. 1 granted the couple joint custody until the end of this month.

article published by www.courttv.com

Parachini said Federline's lawyer would try to persuade a Superior Court commissioner that the matter is urgent enough to be handled on an expedited basis.

Divorce Debts and Bankruptcy

Bankruptcy treats debts that were incurred in the course of a divorce or legal separation differently than run of the mill third party debts. The most common kinds of debts incurred during divorce are 1) the obligation of one spouse to pay the other a sum of money in connection with division of the marital property; and 2) the obligation to protect the other spouse from the debts to third parties awarded to the debtor for payment.

Section 523(a)(15) of the Bankruptcy Code makes debts incurred in divorce non dischargeable in Chapter 7 and Chapter 11 cases. Gone, in the amended bankruptcy code, is the provision that called for a weighing of the hardships that discharge might impose on the non debtor spouse. Such debts are now flat-out non dischargeable.

The distinction to be noted is that the debtor can discharge the obligation to Big Credit Card Company, awarded to him for payment in the divorce, but he can’t discharge his obligation to his ex to hold her harmless should Big Credit Card Company sue her for the debt.

In Chapter 13, however, those debts are dischargeable, without debate.

In every chapter in the bankruptcy code, spousal support, alimony and child support are non dischargeable.

Source for Post: Bankruptcy Law Network and Moran Law Group

This Week in Missouri Family Law: More than one incident was at issue supporting termination of parental rights

Mother's inability to discipline children appropriately, or protect them from Father's abuse, supported a termination of her parental rights under provisions related to abuse, neglect, and failure to rectify. Her repeat conduct after parenting classes was not a single incident, but was one of many and showed a failure to rectify. Evidence, including Children's improvement after separation from parents, supported finding that termination of parental rights was in Children's best interest.
In the Interest of F.C., M.C., and D.C., P.C.(S). Appellant, v. Missouri Department of Social Services, Children's Division, Respondent. Missouri Court of Appeals Southern District

Source for Post:  The Missouri Bar